A man sought advice from the Reddit community after realizing his fiancée’s pets may matter more to her than he does. The 30-year-old man shared that he and his 28-year-old fiancée have been together for five years, engaged for one, but have yet to make wedding plans due to “work, low energy, and finances.”
“When we met, she had 3 pets: an older cat that kept to itself, an elderly dog and a younger dog,” he wrote. “I’ve always liked animals but never wanted any myself.” He explained that she had taken in the older animals from family members who didn’t want them anymore, something he originally thought was “compassionate.”
Over time, however, things began to spiral. “She kept adding more,” he said. “We got another dog, which I thought I wanted at first, but that changed fast.” The man, who is autistic and sensitive to noise, shared that he asked to rehome the new dog, but his fiancée refused.
Things only got more complicated when she brought home guinea pigs, bringing the total number of animals in their house to seven. He supported her financially for nearly two years when she lost her job, covering her living costs, the house, her car and every pet expense. “She cleaned sometimes and cooked occasionally,” he noted, adding that her lack of contribution began to take a toll.
When some of the pets passed away, he thought they might finally regain balance. Instead, she replaced them almost immediately. “When the older cat and guinea pigs passed away, she immediately got 2 new cats against my wishes,” he wrote. “I told her I didn’t want cats or litter boxes in our laundry room. I’m not a cat person.”
The growing number of animals completely altered their lifestyle. “I was excited about the idea of traveling, but we can’t leave the house for more than 12 hours,” he admitted. “The laundry room constantly smells like litter, and vacations are basically off the table.”
Even their dream of starting a family has been derailed. “We also talked about kids and agreed that if we got more cats, we wouldn’t have the time, energy or money for children. I’ve always wanted kids. She said she wanted the cats.”
Recently, he asked his fiancée to return to full-time work so she could “handle her own healthcare, pet costs and mortgage” while he saved for a second home.
“I told her what she needs to make to cover her own bills, pets, retirement and savings, but every month I still end up transferring her money,” he said. “It’s even hurting my mortgage approval because lenders don’t like seeing me fund someone else’s bills.”
The financial strain has become relentless. “We spend around 5k a year on pet expenses, probably more,” he shared. “When we met, we talked about traveling, starting a business, and buying a better home. Instead, all our time and money go into pets.”
Their differences became even clearer during a difficult time in his life. After undergoing multiple hip surgeries, including a total replacement, his fiancée was largely absent.
“She dropped me off and picked me up but didn’t attend appointments or stay for surgery,” he recalled. “When I brought it up, she said I should’ve scheduled it outside her company’s PTO blackout.” What hurt most, he said, is realizing that “she’ll take time off for a dog but not for me.”
More recently, his recovery was made even harder by the animals. “I’m supposed to stay away from the pets because I’m on immunosuppressants,” he explained. “But they keep pushing past the gate to our upstairs area where my bedroom and office are. I’ve almost fallen several times because of their clutter, which ‘can’t be moved because it’s theirs.’ ”
One recent incident pushed him to the edge. “Today she left the gate open and let the dogs in the bed, but didn’t have time to wash the sheets so I’m sleeping on a futon that doesn’t recline or pull out and is smaller than a love seat,” he wrote. “When I ask her to help with simple things like removing compression socks or bringing me an ice pack, she says she feels like a servant. I get that, but she scoops litter and vacuums fur every day without complaint.”
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The man admits he feels like he ranks below the pets. “She says I should’ve known she was a ‘pet person,’ but I never imagined living in a house that revolves around them,” he confesses. “I’ve reached the point where I genuinely hate the pets, and I don’t think I can come back from that.”
Now, he’s left questioning everything. “I feel awful because I love HER. I just hate the pets,” he concluded.
